saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
