By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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