True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
