my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
