I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the day after is always just damage control
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
