So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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