I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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