I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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