so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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