I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
