is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I want to fling myself into the sun
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
