I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
