Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
