so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
