I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
