just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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