After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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