Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
