i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
