It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
