i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
