Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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