O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
