i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
