I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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