I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
