Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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