genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
