Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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