Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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