fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
