I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize