I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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