Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize