Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
