Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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