Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
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Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
whose parrot is this?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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