my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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