So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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