Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
