i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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