Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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