so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
