I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
