I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
