are you so shy because you have an std?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
