i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
