The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He did a backflip because drugs
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
