is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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