opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
