I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We got so high we made milksteak
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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