the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it was like eating out sand paper
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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