omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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